The 32 palates
Five questions about how you like your chocolate milk, five letters, one name. It describes what you want — never whether you are right to want it, and it has no bearing on any score on this site.
Calibrate your palate to find your own.
Reading the letters
- chocolate intensity
- F Faint · I Intense
- cocoa character
- M Milky · D Dark
- sweetness
- P Plain · S Sweet
- thickness
- W Watery · T Thick
- creaminess
- L Lean · R Rich
The suffix says how firmly you answered, not what you answered: D decided, S settled, O open. Answer near the middle on everything and you get an O — the type still fits, it just fits loosely.
Purists ID···
Cocoa is a flavour to be respected, not a sweetener. They want it real and they want a lot of it.
IDPWL
The Ascetic
Wants the cocoa and nothing else. Suspicious of anything added to make it easier.
IDPWR
The Connoisseur
Drinks less and notices more. Richness earns its place; sugar has to ask.
IDPTL
The Stoic
Takes it thick, dark and unsweetened, and does not expect to be comforted.
IDPTR
The Chocolatier
Treats a glass the way other people treat a bar. Depth first, everything else after.
IDSWL
The Poet
Dark and sweet in a small glass. Believes intensity does not require volume.
IDSWR
The Epicure
Rich, sweet and unhurried, but never heavy. Knows exactly when to stop.
IDSTL
The Confectioner
Dark, sweet and substantial, with no patience at all for thin.
IDSTR
The Maximalist
Every dial turned up and no apology offered. The strongest palate on the board.
Devotees IM···
Chocolate at full volume with the milk still in charge. Pleasure first, restraint some other time.
IMPWL
The Realist
All the chocolate, none of the trimmings. Finds sweetness a distraction from the point.
IMPWR
The Sophisticate
Rich without weight, sweet without sugar. Wants the good part and none of the effort.
IMPTL
The Baker
Thick and chocolatey and honest about what it is not. Texture over luxury.
IMPTR
The Artisan
Deep and thick with the sugar left out. Lets the milk do the work.
IMSWL
The Enthusiast
Sweet, chocolatey and gone in a minute. Enjoys it now and thinks about it later.
IMSWR
The Soda Jerk
Sweet and rich in a tall thin glass. A fountain palate, born a century too late.
IMSTL
The Optimist
Sweet and thick, and entirely unbothered by what is missing.
IMSTR
The Hedonist
Sweet, thick, rich and loud. Chocolate milk as an occasion.
Minimalists FD···
Subtlety on purpose. They would rather notice the cocoa than be handed it.
FDPWL
The Hermit
The least of everything, on purpose. Would rather find a flavour than be handed one.
FDPWR
The Curator
Barely there and somehow rich. Chooses carefully and keeps very little.
FDPTL
The Surveyor
Thick, dry and cool. Wants substance without being asked to enjoy it.
FDPTR
The Aristocrat
Quiet cocoa carried on real body. Understatement with money behind it.
FDSWL
The Rambler
Sweet and thin with a dry edge. Refreshment, not dessert.
FDSWR
The Nightowl
Sweet, rich and restrained. This is the last glass of the day, not the first.
FDSTL
The Dreamer
Sweet and thick, with something darker underneath.
FDSTR
The Host
Sweet and rich, with the cocoa kept politely in the background.
Traditionalists FM···
The carton you grew up on, done properly. Comfort is the point, not a compromise.
FMPWL
The Essentialist
Milk that has met chocolate. Nothing added and nothing pretended.
FMPWR
The Farmer
Thin in the glass, rich on the tongue. Knows the difference and expects you to.
FMPTL
The Homesteader
Thick, pale and plain. Older than the fashion for any of this.
FMPTR
The Caretaker
Thick, rich and gentle. Chocolate as a warm note rather than an argument.
FMSWL
The Regular
Sweet, thin and cold. The one you drink without thinking, and no harm in it.
FMSWR
The Sweet Tooth
Sweet and rich but poured light. Halfway to a dessert and honest about it.
FMSTL
The Celebrant
Sweet, thick and frankly a treat. Sees no reason to pretend otherwise.
FMSTR
The Nostalgist
Sweet, thick, rich and mild. Pure comfort, no argument.